


Baby Boy

by StarlightBreeze557



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, BAMF Alec Lightwood, BAMF Isabelle Lightwood, BAMF Jace Wayland, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bisexual Isabelle Lightwood, Caregiver Magnus, Domme Isabelle Lightwood, Gen, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Good Sibling Isabelle Lightwood, I am so disappointed that those two weren't tags, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jace Wayland is a Lightwood, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Jace Wayland, Repression, Suicidal Thoughts, Switch Jace Wayland, Switch Simon Lewis, and there's gonna be more, daddy Magnus, fandom you have failed me, jesus that's a lot of tags, little Alec, no beta we die like men, that wasn't a tag either???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24993103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightBreeze557/pseuds/StarlightBreeze557
Summary: In a world where soulmate marks appear on your wrists after you meet your soulmate and everyone has a secondary gender - dom, sub, switch, little, or caregiver - Alec Lightwood has never had it easy. The only Shadowhunter to present as a little in centuries, he is ostracized and shunned by his peers and his parents. He begins to hate the side of him that is a little because of all the trouble it's caused, and takes to pain to help him cope.What will happen when Alec meets Magnus Bane, a caregiver who can put him in littlespace with a single sentence? Well, romance, drama, miscommunications, an evil twin, and new friends, of course!~ This fic is ongoing - I do plan on finishing it - but I have no regular update schedule and I am not a functional writer by any means. You've been warned. ~
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood
Comments: 36
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is my first story on this account. I really hope you like it! I'd like to clear some things up before we begin, just so there isn't any confusion.
> 
> In this story, there are marks on your wrist that indicate what you are, as a secondary gender type of thing - a dom, a switch, a sub, a little, or a caregiver - and there are also marks on your wrist that appear once you've met your soulmate. However, these marks don't say _who_ your soulmate is, just that you have met them. Which leads to lovely misunderstandings later, I assure you.
> 
> Lastly: In this story, Alec is a little and Magnus is a caregiver/daddy. This does _not_ mean incest - it is a lifestyle/relationship choice that has nothing to do with actual father/son dynamics. For more information about this, I suggest that you Google it! 
> 
> I would also like to state that I will not be writing smut in this story. I want to keep it mainly about the cg/l dynamic. 
> 
> With all of that being said, please note that I will not tolerate hate. I want this story to be something happy and positive for people to read. Negative comments will be deleted in order to keep this space a positive one. 
> 
> I really hope you like this! I don't have any regular update schedule, so if WIPs not being updated for a while bothers you, this probably isn't the fic for you. 
> 
> Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very first chapter! Let me know what you think! I'm sorry it's so short. I just felt like that was a good place to end the chapter.

Sunlight filtered in through the gaps in the curtains, and the warmth hit Alec just right, making him feel calm and peaceful before he even opened his eyes. He smiled widely and blinked himself awake. He felt _light_ , in a way he didn't usually. He didn't have time to ponder on that for long before Isabelle was beside him, carding her fingers through his hair and whispering sweet nothings to him.

"Izzy!" Alec exclaimed, and he reached up to hug his sister. She laughed, a sound so pure and genuine that it made Alec want to bury his face in her shoulder and never face the rest of the world. Izzy dipped her fingers beneath Alec's shirt to rub his back, and Alec was vaguely aware of the baby blue teddy bear onesie he was wearing. It made him bounce with excitement, and he began to kiss all over Izzy’s face, much to her delight. His mind felt hazy and all of his worries were distant, like clouds he could see but not touch. He felt...free.

"Hey there, buddy," another voice piped up from the doorway. Alec reluctantly peeled himself away from Izzy and toddled over to the blonde boy standing in the shadow of the rest of the Institute. 

"Hi, Jace," Alec said, wrapping himself around his brother like a koala. 

"How are you this morning, Alec?" Jace asked, and Alec could hear the smile in his voice. 

"'M fine," Alec replied, pressing himself closer to Jace. Isabelle walked over to them and joined the hug as well.

It wasn’t long before Alec felt strong arms wrap around his waist and the sensation of being lifted. Jace picked him up and held him close to his chest, a position that made Alec squeal and bury his face in Jace’s shoulder. Behind them, Isabelle laughed and pressed herself as close to her brothers as possible.

The three siblings were quiet for a minute, besides the shrieks that Alec made whenever Jace tickled his feet and the soft humming coming from Isabelle. Suddenly, three phones began to ring loudly, shattering the pleasant atmosphere. Alec watched as Izzy and Jace answered theirs, dread making his heart heavy. They had grim looks on their faces, and Alec felt tears well up in his eyes. He knew what that meant, and he didn't _want_ to. 

When they ended their respective calls, both Jace and Isabelle wore matching expressions of guilt and sadness. Alec felt the tears begin to slide down his cheeks. 

"Don't wanna go," he cried. "Don't wanna be big. Please don't make me!"

"I'm sorry, Alec," Izzy said, running her fingers through his hair once more. "They need all hands on deck. I wouldn't be making you come out of your headspace if it wasn't desperate."

"You can be little afterwards," Jace chimed in. "We promise."

"Pwomise?" Alec looked up at the two with huge, luminous blue eyes that were glassy with tears, and Isabelle felt her heart melt. 

"Promise, buddy," Jace repeated, his voice thick, and held out his pinky. 

Alec eagerly locked pinkies with him, sealing the swear. 

"We'll leave you alone now," Izzy said quietly, and she & Jace left for their own bedrooms. They knew that he didn’t like them to be present when he came out of his headspace.

Alec sank onto his bed and pulled out his phone, reading over the text he'd been sent after he hadn't picked up the call. His mind tried desperately to cling to the carefree feeling from before, but awareness was slowly and surely seeping into his bones. 

Demon attack. Five dead mundanes and a dozen or more Downworlders caught in the crossfire. 

Isabelle was right. They needed him.

Alec took a deep breath and focused his energy on coming out of his headspace. He tried to think about training, about hunting demons and being a Lightwood and becoming Head of the Institute someday. 

Re-realising all of the pressures and uncertainties he faced sent Alec crashing back to his 18 year-old self more suddenly than he would have liked. He looked down at the teddy bear onesie in disgust and tore it off, tearing the snaps at the crotch.

He couldn't believe he kept doing this.

Izzy and Jace insisted it was fine, that it was just his nature, but he hated it. Secondary genders be damned, he shouldn't need to be a _child_ just to deal with his everyday life. 

Jace always insisted that Alec going into headspace was no different than when he let Izzy put him down, or when Clary went to Pandemonium in search of someone to dominate. Everyone he knew - his siblings and his friends - all told him that there was nothing wrong with needing to be little.

Intrinsically, logically, Alec _knew_ they were right. He was doing what he had to. If he denied his true nature, he would spin out of control. His knuckles would never be unbruised, and he wouldn’t be able to fight. 

But that didn’t mean Alec had to like it.

He reached into his bedside drawer and slid the brace that hid his mark on over his wrist. He’d learned quickly after he presented as a little that most everyone in the Shadow World considered littles to be inferior, including his own parents. It was only a week after his first battle when Alec invested in the brace. 

He was a little, and he’d come to terms with that as best he could. The rest of the world didn’t need to know.

Alec shook off the troublesome thoughts with some difficulty. Now was not the time to worry about himself and all of the problems he caused. He had a mission to go on, a demon to kill, mundanes to protect.

Alec hesitated for only an instant before he stalked out the door, leaving his archer’s gloves laying untouched on the nightstand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec, Izzy, and Jace go on a mission together that leads to unsettling developments, and Alec uses pain to cope again.
> 
> INCLUDES: Implied/referenced self harm, graphic depictions of violence/fight scenes, blood mentions, brief suicidal thoughts, darker content than the last chapter. Please read with care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I'm back with another chapter! So, remember when I said this fic was going to be a "positive space"? Well, this chapter is anything but positive, oops. I didn't intend to have so much violence, but the words did what they wanted and now here we are. 
> 
> I have updated the Archive warnings to reflect graphic depictions of violence, as I'm not sure if this is considered graphic or not, but I wanted to err on the side of caution. So, with that in mind, please be wary of this chapter! It does have quite a lot of violence and implied/referenced self harm is a main theme. 
> 
> This story wasn't meant to be lighthearted, because Alec is still dealing with a lot of self-hatred and repression because of his secondary gender. This fic will not be nice to you sometimes, so please keep that in mind. With that being said, if you want to read a significantly happier fic about Little Alec, I would encourage you to check out the other fic I have posted right now, A Little Different. It's a college AU about Little Alec and it's much easier on the heart than this one. 
> 
> I would also like to clear up a few things now: I am doing LOTS of canon divergence with this fic. For starters, the Lightwoods and everyone else are aware that Valentine raised Jace. Clary's mother actually told her about the Shadow World when she was a teenager, so she's pretty much on the same level as Izzy now with being a Shadowhunter. Simon was a vampire beforehand, and revealed it to Clary when she told him about the Shadow World after her mother told her. 
> 
> Also, I just want to say that I really went from zero to 100 on length - first chapter didn't even break 1k and somehow, this one is accidentally 5k. I apologise in advance. I have no control over these words and what they do.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I really hope you like this chapter! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Jace kicked the door to the abandoned building down, and Alec & Izzy swarmed in. The building supposedly housed the biggest nest of demons in the city, and the Clave was hopeful that it was the nest causing all of the mundane attacks. There was backup on the way, but Jace, of course, had insisted that they didn’t need to wait. 

It became clear the second they were inside how wrong he was. 

The area was filled with Shax demons, and black shapes huddled along the walls, stationary, as if they were stalking their prey. Alec wondered if, perhaps, there was more than one nest in the building. Shax demons weren’t known for waiting around. But Croucher demons definitely did, and there appeared to be hundreds of them. 

“Don’t say it!” Jace said without taking his eyes off of the demons that were slowly surrounding them. 

“I told you so!” Alec shouted. 

“I said not to say it!”

The first Shax demon leaped, and Alec threw himself in front of Jace, taking a pincer to the face before Jace ran his blade through the creature and killed it. After the first attack, the Shax demons all began to pursue the Shadowhunters with vigor. The building filled with shrieks and the horrific, gurgling sounds of dying demons.

Isabelle dodged one, killing another as she moved, and Jace began to swing his blade in a wide arc around him, slicing clean through four demons at once on it. Alec fitted an arrow to his bow and hit the Shax demon nearest to Izzy through the eyes. 

“Where’s our backup?’ Izzy yelled, sounding harried as she used her whip to dispatch another of the demons. 

“On the way!” Alec shouted back, sending another two arrows flying and killing the demons they were intended for. 

“They better hurry up!” Jace grunted from his position on the ground, kicking at the Shax demons were trying to shove their pincers into his legs. Alec rushed over to him and pulled his parabatai to his feet, using the seraph blade tucked into his belt to protect them while Jace caught his breath. 

His parabatai gave him a nod and a smile before returning to slicing the demons where they stood. Alec kicked at a few demons getting too close and loosed another arrow at one up high in the rafters, looking to make a leap downwards on top of them. 

In the corner of the room, two of the Croucher demons Alec had spotted before were making a move against Izzy. He shot an arrow towards one, and Izzy snapped the other’s neck with her whip. 

“Alec, look out!” Alec whirled around at the sound of Jace’s voice, but it was too late. One of the Shax demons had taken advantage of his momentary distraction to pounce on him, and suddenly Alec was clawing at spindly limbs and wrestling with sharp pincers attached to his chest. 

Jace tried to run over, but he was held back by another two Shax demons, dancing between them with his blade, trying to get a hit in so he could get to his parabatai.

Alec grunted and used all of his upper body strength to shove the demon off of him. It flew across the room and shrieked as it hit the wall. Alec grabbed another arrow from his quiver and sent it directly through the creature’s heart. He barely registered the sting in his hands as the bow string cut another line into his unprotected palms. 

The door burst open and more Shadowhunters poured in, immediately jumping into the fight to protect the young trio. Alec, already in ‘leadership’ mode, ordered the newcomers to be aware of the Croucher demons and sent them off in segments to dispatch the rest of the nest. Jace, Izzy, and Alec were left with the remaining demons in the front room. 

“Come on,” Jace taunted them, a smirk plastered on his face. “I know you want a piece of me!”

Alec rolled his eyes and fired arrows into the horde of remaining demons, pleased when he heard exactly as many death rattles as arrows released. Isabelle struck out with her whip, severing the heads of two of the closest demons. 

Alec aimed another arrow towards a Croucher demon in the rafters and felt blood drip down his palm. He gritted his teeth and ignored it. 

Demonic screeches filled the warehouse as the Shax demons began to attack, rushing at Jace, Izzy, and Alec. As much as he hated to, Alec hung back, firing arrows of protection instead of jumping into the fray with Jace and Izzy. He knew it was where he was needed. 

Within seconds, the three young Shadowhunters managed to deplete the demons’ ranks by about half. Alec’s fingers ached from clutching his bow too tightly and the cuts on his palms from his bow string bled sluggishly, little drops of crimson falling to the floor every few seconds. 

Jace was practically a machine with his blade; he managed to kill seven demons at one time with it. Izzy was no worse with her whip; between it and her blades, she took out a great number herself. 

Intrinsically, Alec _knew_ that he dispatched just as many with his arrows, if not more, because he was quicker than his siblings. His age gave him a speed and weapons training advantage; he had started Shadowhunter training a year or two before they did. Jace was a good enough warrior on his own, thanks to his pseudo-father, the man who had raised him up until age ten, but he was reckless and unconcerned with consequences and Alec knew that was dangerous. 

“Alec!” Jace shouted from across the room. He’d done an impressive, wholly unnecessary backflip into the horde of Shax demons and was now being attacked from all sides too fast for him to keep up with. 

Alec groaned. Case in point of Jace being reckless.

Alec rushed over to his parabatai and used his blade to keep the demons at bay while Jace recovered from the attack. When enough of the demons had been dispatched, Alec turned to move away and take up his position again, but a firm hand on his arm stopped him. 

“Alec, why aren’t you wearing your gloves?” Jace asked. His voice was hard with suspicion, but Alec could hear the concern leaking out of it. 

“Forgot,” Alec said, shrugging Jace’s hand off. “No big deal.” He retreated back to his place behind a beam and began firing arrows into the crowd of demons again. 

Alec didn’t miss the look that Jace sent Izzy when they thought he was busy aiming, or the worry that filled his sister’s eyes. His jaw tensed and he grabbed the seraph dagger at his belt and threw himself into the Shax demon horde. 

He knew it’d been a mistake the second the demons surrounded him, but he couldn’t exactly back out now. He drove the dagger into the two demons nearest him, ignoring the way blood ran down the hilt of the blade from his hands. 

“Alec, what are you doing?” Isabelle’s frantic voice could be heard above the din, and Alec pretended he couldn’t hear her, because truthfully, he didn’t have any _idea_ what he was doing. All he knew was that he couldn’t stand to be treated like some infant that didn’t know how to take care of themselves. 

Their worry-filled gazes told him _exactly_ how they felt. 

They were wrong.

Alec could take care of himself. He could hold his own in a fight, with or without his archer’s gloves, and he didn’t need to rely on anyone else. He was independent and while he may be weak, his siblings certainly didn’t need to know that. 

Alec fished an arrow out of his quiver and used it to stab a few of the demons surrounding him. Magical arrows eventually dissolved under demon ichor, which was why arrow shipments were always needed at the Institute. However, Alec could get a few kills in before the arrow became a pile of ash, and that was all he needed. 

Jace and Izzy were shouting at him, telling him to get back, but Alec didn’t listen. He needed this. He needed to prove that he could handle himself, that he was strong enough, that he wasn’t a _child._

Alec slashed at the next few demons in the horde with his blade, but one of its pincers caught his forearm and held tight. He struggled to break free, and the momentary lapse in fighting gave the other Shax demons the opportunity to leap on him. 

Alec fell and landed on his back with a thud in the middle of the demon horde. Shax demons immediately began attacking him, clawing his face and chest and attaching themselves to his skin as best they could. He fought and struggled to throw them off of him, but they held tight. Alec felt gashes opening in his side, and another of the demons left a long cut on his cheek. 

A part of him wanted to rest his head on the concrete and just _let go_. Give up. End a life that wasn’t worth living. This way, he would die a hero, if a martyr, as well. 

“Alec, _what are you doing?_ ” The panicked voice of his sister brought Alec out of his haze and he began to fight back, slashing one of the Shax demons on top of him with an arrow from his quiver. 

The arrow lasted for two more demons before it vanished into dust, and Alec was still pinned to the floor. Fear gripped his heart like a vice and he tried to pry one of the multiple pincers in his skin out. He couldn’t die _here_. Not in front of his siblings. He couldn’t let them watch him give up. 

They would never forget it.

“Alec!” The shout of his name was all Alec heard before another body was beside his, pulling demons off of him with its bare hands. Alec heard the gurgling sounds of more than one demon dying, and he reached for his blade weakly. 

Another hand wrapped his around the hilt of his blade, and Alec recognised the touch. 

_Jace._

He tried to get up, to help, to fight, but blood was pouring steadily from his side and his vision had gone hazy. He could hear the sounds of battle coming from his left, and he knew Jace was taking over for him, protecting him, _doing what he couldn’t_. 

That thought made his blood boil with shame and self-loathing, and it was enough for him to shakily get to his feet. 

Jace was beside him, dispatching demons with his blade at the speed of light and Alec’s throat burned with jealousy. He knew he was a good archer; hell, maybe even the _best_. But this? Up-close combat? He’d never be as good as Jace. He’d never be as good as _anyone_.

And didn’t that make him just short of completely worthless?

Izzy screamed, and Alec snapped to attention only to see Jace against a wall, pinned by four Shax demons and the Crouchers that waited there. He ran to his parabatai and began to swing, slashing two demons in one hit and kicking others to the side with his thick leather boots. 

Jace cried out in pain, and Alec felt his stomach churn as he watched one of the Shax demons leave a large gash in Jace’s side.

Alec felt all of the breath leave his body and he rushed over, paying no mind to the claws of the demons that scratched and cut him as he went. He raced to Jace’s side and quickly used his blade to dispatch the demons that were crowding around him. 

“‘M okay,” Jace mumbled, holding his injured side. “Not your fault, Alec.”

Alec felt tears rise to his eyes. He was _hurt_. Jace was hurt and his first instinct was still to make sure that Alec didn’t blame himself. It frightened Alec to know that he really was that transparent. 

Jace grabbed Alec’s shoulder and drew a shaky iratze into his skin. The cuts from the demons before began to close and heal under the burn of the rune, and Alec quickly applied an iratze to Jace’s side, as well. In a few seconds, colour had returned to his face and his forehead was no longer creased with pain. 

More demons were leaping at the two of them, but Jace had removed his hand from his side and picked up his blade again. Isabelle was still dealing with the other demons in another corner of the building, so Jace and Alec were by themselves now. 

Alec looked over at Jace, who gave him a brief nod, and they began to fight. 

Jace gave a slight incline of his head, and Alec got the message, diving out of the way as Jace swung his blade in an arc once more and took out four demons. Alec grinned at his parabatai and sliced the heads off of the two demons nearest him. He was just about to fit an arrow to his bow to take out a Croucher on the ceiling when a loud explosion sounded from somewhere else in the building. 

Alec shared a wide-eyed look with Jace and they began to run, using blades and body and disintegrating arrows and whatever methods they had at their disposal to push through the horde of demons and towards the sound of the explosion. 

Izzy had heard it, too, as she was running for the entrance to the rest of the building, as well. The crack of her whip split the air every few seconds. They made slow progress, with demons leaping at them every time they got a chance, but eventually Jace and Alec met up with Izzy and slipped into the other part of the building. 

“The explosion came from over there!” Izzy shouted, gesturing to their right. Jace and Alec followed after her through a door into another room and stepped into what could only be called a horror scene. 

Bodies littered the floor, some dismembered and others completely torn apart. Alec felt his stomach churn and he had to take a deep breath to avoid being sick. He heard Isabelle retch next to him, and a sharp inhale from Jace. 

Whatever had happened, it was _not_ a normal explosion. 

Alec drew an arrow and nocked it, moving forward among the sea of bodies with caution. Jace had gone to Isabelle, holding her hair back while she threw up. Alec couldn’t be sure if there was still someone in the building, and he had to protect his siblings.

An explosion of this size couldn’t have been an accident.

“Call for backup!” Alec shouted to Jace, and his parabatai nodded, taking out his cellphone. 

Alec proceeded down the hallway, following the morbid trail of bodies. Blood spattered the walls and the stench of death was heavy in the air. His chest was tight with apprehension. Something was very wrong. 

A few clatters and the sound of hushed voices came from a room across the hall. Alec’s jaw set in a straight line and he entered the room without hesitation, raising his bow in preparation for a fight. What he saw shocked him enough to lower the bow, blinking in surprise. 

Two Shadowhunters with runes the shape of a circle on their necks were standing over a body on the floor of the room, talking in low tones about someone named Valentine and how they were going to hide this. 

Alec felt fear lance through his chest at their words. He knew of Valentine. He’d heard stories. Valentine was a madman, Clary’s father, and the man who’d raised Jace. Valentine was the leader of the Circle, a group of Shadowhunters that wanted all Downworlders to die. Valentine was responsible for what was almost the decimation of the entire Shadow World. 

Valentine was someone that they _all_ feared.

The Shadowhunters looked up and noticed his presence for the first time. They instantly reached for their blades, and Alec loosed the arrow he had nocked to fly at one of the Circle members. It hit its mark with deadly accuracy, and he dropped to the ground in a tangle of limbs. 

“Young, pathetic little Shadowhunter,” the other Circle member growled. “Do you really think you have any chance against me?”

“Yes, I do,” Alec responded with more bravado than he felt. He fired another arrow at the remaining Circle member, but he dodged it with ease.

“I’ve been at this a lot longer than you,” the Circle member said. “This is amusing to watch. Poor little Shadowhunter, so determined to prove himself.”

Alec grit his teeth and fired again, unwilling to admit how much the man’s words were affecting him. He was pathetic. He was a _little_. In the Shadow World, that was the worst possible thing to be. 

The Circle member ducked just in time to miss Alec’s arrow, and he advanced on Alec, pointing his blade at the other Shadowhunter. 

“Why don’t you fight me like a real man, huh? Instead of hiding beyond your bow and arrows?” He chuckled cruelly. “There aren’t too many archers in the Shadow World. I wonder why. Maybe it’s because all archers are _cowards_. They’d rather sit back and let someone else do the work.”

Alec snarled and threw his bow to the ground, drawing his seraph blade. “I am not a coward!”

“Whatever you say, little boy.”

The ‘little boy’ comment threw Alec over the edge, and he lunged forward with his blade. The Circle member laughed infuriatingly and dodged the attack with ease.

Alec was practically vibrating with anger, and he slashed blindly again, managing to nick his opponent’s shoulder in his rage. 

Getting hurt seemed to infuriate the Circle member, who pushed forward and pinned Alec against a wall, prying his blade from his hands. He tossed it over his shoulder somewhere and Alec swallowed hard. The Circle member was, admittedly, more experienced and stronger than he was, and he had no weapons. 

The Circle member pinned Alec’s hands above his head, locking them in place with a firm grip. His eyes caught sight of Alec’s brace, and Alec’s eyes went wide. He couldn’t, he would see, he would _know_ -

“Well, well, well, what have we here? A Shadowhunter ashamed of their secondary gender? Isn’t that odd.” The Circle member lifted the brace just slightly, just enough to see the cursive _l_ on Alec’s wrist, marked through with a line that meant he was the first in his family. 

“A _little?_ Splendid, absolutely perfect,” the Circle member purred in a voice that made Alec’s breathing pick up and his heart clench with fear. “You don’t see too many of those these days.”

The Circle member sighed with mock sadness and said, “Oh, how I wish I was a caregiver. What I could do to you, little one.”

Alec gulped and tried not to think about that. He knew that caregivers were capable of molesting their littles in ways that most people weren’t, a fact that had frightened him since the moment he presented as a little. 

The Circle member brought his blade to rest over Alec’s heart and growled, “Say goodbye, little one.”

A resounding bang shattered the air around them and the Circle member looked up to try and identify the source. Alec seized his opportunity and shoved the other Shadowhunter backward with his body, ducking and rolling out of his grasp. When he looked up, he saw Jace and Izzy standing in the doorway, weapons drawn and ready for battle.

Alec fumbled for his bow and arrows, dodging the Circle member’s persistent attempts to bring him back under his control. He finally reached his quiver and pulled out an arrow, which he slammed through the other Shadowhunter’s neck. 

The Circle member gagged and choked on his own blood, his death rattle echoing in the empty corridors as he fell to the floor. Alec pulled the arrow out and replaced it in his quiver, a satisfied smirk making its way onto his face. 

“Who was that guy?” Isabelle asked, aghast. 

“Circle member,” Jace answered in a grim tone, gesturing to the rune on the dead Shadowhunter’s neck. “The other one, too.”

“Valentine’s back,” Alec spoke up for the first time since the others had entered. “I heard them talking about him when I came in. They wouldn’t have been talking about him like that if he wasn’t.”

“I thought he died!” Jace exclaimed. He shook his head in bewilderment. “He died in a fire, I _watched_ him die.” His voice sounded choked, strangled. Alec walked over and placed a comforting hand on his parabatai’s shoulder. 

“I know, Jace. I don’t know what this means yet, but I’m sure we’ll figure it out, alright?” Jace avoided his eyes, focusing his gaze on the concrete floor beneath them. 

“Hey,” Alec said, grabbing his chin and forcing the younger boy to meet his eyes. “We’ll figure it out _together_. I’ve got you, parabatai.”

Jace sucked in a deep breath and nodded, bringing Alec in for a hug. He exhaled shakily against Alec’s shoulder, and Alec held him tight for a minute before letting go to face Isabelle. 

“Alright, Izzy?” he asked, striding forward to wrap an arm around her shoulders. She shook her head numbly, tears welling up in her eyes. Alec reached to embrace her, and she began to cry into his shoulder. Jace walked over and joined the hug, wrapping an arm around Izzy and another arm around Alec. 

For a minute, Alec almost felt like he was where he belonged.

The sounds of shrieking and chitters brought them out of their own little world, and Alec reluctantly released his siblings and picked up his blade, tucking it back into his belt. 

“You go on ahead, Izzy,” Jace instructed her, and the pointed look he sent in her direction had her scrambling to obey. Alec tensed and clutched his bow tighter. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. 

“What the fuck was that back there?” Jace wasted no time diving straight in with what he wanted to say. “The way you just _laid_ there, with the demons all over you. I saw it, man. Izzy did, too. You just...gave up for a minute. You don’t give up, Alec.”

Alec clenched his jaw and said nothing. 

“Answer me, dammit!” Jace gripped Alec’s wrist tightly. “That was fucking terrifying, Alec. Seeing you that way...fuck, you scared _me_.”

Alec felt guilt rush through him. He hadn’t meant to make his siblings worry. He had just considered it, only for a moment. There was no way in hell they needed to know that. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec mumbled. “I didn’t mean to. I was just trying to figure out a plan of attack. Helps me think better when I lay like that.”

It was weak, and they both knew it.

Jace looked like he wanted to say more, but Isabelle’s shout from somewhere in the building cut off their conversation abruptly. 

Alec and Jace rushed in the direction of the sound, their weapons drawn. Adrenaline pumped through Alec’s veins and he nocked an arrow, ready to attack at a moment’s notice. 

When they reached Izzy, she was surrounded by Shax and Croucher demons in the main entrance to the building, snapping her whip over their heads to keep them back. 

Jace rushed headfirst into the fray, cutting and slicing and beheading several of the demons in his path. Alec hung back, like he was supposed to, and took out all four of the Crouchers surrounding his little sister with two shots. 

It didn’t take long for the three of them to dispatch the remaining demons. Their ranks were severely depleted after the Shadowhunters’ first attack, it seemed, and Jace, Izzy, and Alec only gained a few new cuts and bruises. 

“So, what now?” Izzy asked quietly when they were finished. The air was heavy with the scent of ichor, and piles of demonic ash surrounded them. Alec shivered. Right now, there was nothing he wanted more than to go back to the Institute and sleep for as long as he possibly could.

“Now we report back to HQ,” Alec said. “We tell them exactly what happened here and we let the Clave handle it.” His hand found the small of Jace’s back and he began to rub soothing circles into it. “They’ll open their own investigation and figure out what’s going on with Valentine.”

Izzy nodded in approval and Jace didn’t say anything, so Alec began to lead his siblings out of the building and towards the Institute. 

About halfway there, Jace stumbled and groaned, clutching his side. Alec was suddenly and viciously reminded of Jace’s injury, the wound the Shax demon had given him. It must be worse than it had initially seemed. He put an arm around his parabatai’s waist to support him and drew an iratze on the blonde. He could tell the minute the pain eased, because the creases in Jace’s forehead lessened and he let out a small, shaky sigh of relief. 

“We’re almost there,” Isabelle said to no one in particular, and they all quickened their pace. 

By the time they reached the Institute, Jace was barely able to stay on his feet and Alec was nearing frantic. The iratzes weren’t taking anymore and he had to practically carry his brother to the infirmary. 

The medics placed Jace on a bed and began to administer some sort of salve to get rid of the venom in his cut, and Alec & Izzy watched from a distance. Only a few seconds had passed before Izzy whimpered and wrapped herself in Alec’s arms. Alec was happy to hold his sister. Part of him knew that it was the only way he was keeping himself together. 

Eventually, the medical staff stepped back and Alec & Izzy were able to fully see Jace for the first time since they entered the infirmary. His side was bandaged heavily and multiple iratzes were drawn on him. He was asleep and breathing normally, but Alec’s chest still felt tight with panic. 

Izzy wrenched herself out of Alec’s arms and ran to Jace’s bedside. She laid a cool, comforting hand on his forehead and murmured to him. Suddenly, Alec felt very much like an intruder on the scene. It was his fault that Jace was even hurt to begin with; he was protecting Alec when the demon had slashed him. 

Alec felt the rising tide of emotion, and he bit his lip, hesitating. He could come back later. Jace was in no danger now, and he wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon. He could come back when he was finished dealing with what he needed to deal with. It wouldn’t take long, and then he could stay by Jace’s side until his parabatai woke up. 

Alec turned to make his way out of the infirmary, but a strong hand on his wrist stopped him before he could. 

“Where are you going?” Izzy’s voice was hard, but her tone was laced with concern, and Alec knew she could see right through him. 

“Just back to my room,” he informed her. “I’m going to get a pillow and some other stuff so I can spend the night with Jace.”

It was a good lie. Anyone else would have believed it. 

But his little sister knew him far better than Alec would have liked her to. 

“No, you’re not,” Izzy said firmly. “I know where you’re going, and I’m not going to let you.” Her voice softened and she said, “Lydia’s upstairs conferring with our parents. They need to know about Valentine, anyway. Why don’t you let her put you under? Just for a little while? It’s been a hard day, Alec, and you need it. You can’t deny that.”

Alec grew rigid with tension under her touch, and he shook his head tightly. “No.”

“Alec, come on - ”

“Izzy, I said no. I’m not letting Lydia put me under.” 

Lydia Branwell was the Institute’s only caregiver, and she wasn’t even a ‘full’ caregiver. She was one of the few Shadowhunters to present as more than one secondary gender, a mystery that baffled everyone in the Shadow World. Alec only knew of two Shadowhunters with multiple secondary genders - Lydia, and his mother. 

Maryse Lightwood was a switch and a sub, a fact that she hid avidly from the public eye. Being a switch was the only reason she had been allowed to run the Institute for so many years. Being a sub, in the Shadow World, was a bit like being a little. Not quite as extreme, but still not particularly good. Lydia was a caregiver and a domme, a fact that allowed many to overlook her rare caregiver status in favour of the more common, widely accepted domme status. 

He always hated it when Lydia put him under. It was a bit like being attracted to someone that hated you. 

It was humiliating, and he avoided it for as long as he possibly could.

“Why not?” Isabelle asked, startling him from his thoughts. Alec frowned at her and pulled his arm out of her grasp.

“You know why!”

“Oh, because you’re so ashamed of your secondary gender that you’ll put us all at risk by denying yourself what you _need?_ ” Isabelle snapped, her voice cold and harsh.

Alec froze. He immediately schooled his face into an indifferent mask, unwilling to let her see the hurt that swam behind his eyes. “Jace being in the hospital may be my fault, but it has nothing to do with my secondary gender,” Alec stated emotionlessly. 

“Wait, Alec, that’s not what I - ”

But it was too late.

Alec was already out the door, clutching his bow and quiver with bruised, bloody hands.

Isabelle sighed and turned her attention back to Jace. She knew that, no matter what she said, she wasn’t going to keep her brother from the training room tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec, Izzy, Jace, and Clary prepare for a mission to Pandemonium and Jace & Alec have an important (if a bit fruitless) talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I know, this is my second chapter in as many days. It's a bit of a miracle, really. I just had a lot of inspiration for this story, I guess. 
> 
> This chapter is the precursor to a big, drama-filled chapter that's coming up soon. Let's just say that the mission to Pandemonium is going to be _eventful_. 
> 
> I might take a little break from writing this and write A Little Different or some of the other fanfiction I'm working on for my regular account (yes, this is a secret account; I wanted a place to put my works that are a bit more niche separately from my regular stuff) but rest assured that I won't make you wait too long for this next chapter, because I have a lot of ideas and inspiration, knock on wood.
> 
> With that being said, I really hope you like this chapter! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

The three and a half days that Alec took off to see to Jace’s recovery were fairly uneventful. He went on patrol with Isabelle and Clary, but they were handed no new missions, which he was grateful for. He could feel exhaustion pounding in his temples, telling him he’d been big for too long. The barriers of his mind were cracking more and more as each day passed, and he was ashamed to admit that he craved the freedom of being little. But he knew that there was no way he’d ever say that to anyone. His knuckles were bruised and the bloodstains on the punching bags in the training room were proof enough that he was spiralling.

He would need to be put under soon. If he didn’t, he would risk hurting his siblings and Clary while they were out on a mission. 

That didn’t change the fact that, more than anything, Alec did not want to be put under, much less by Lydia. 

It wasn’t that she was bad at it, or in any way unpleasant to him. She was experienced and kind and fully capable of helping Alec into littlespace with only a few sentences and gentle, reassuring touches. 

But Alec hated needing to be put under even more than he hated who he was, and he hated allowing her to reduce him to that state.

If he had to do it, he wanted to do it himself.

Unfortunately, when his emotions ran too high or he didn’t feel calm enough to slip, that was difficult. 

Lydia provided another option. She always had, and she’d never asked for anything in return.

However, that didn’t mean that Alec wanted it, and that didn’t mean that he would take it until he had absolutely no other choice. 

It was on his fourth day benched that his mother strode into Jace’s bedroom and demanded to know if he was well enough to go on a mission. Jace, being the stubborn bastard he was, of course had said yes. 

Truthfully, he probably _was_ well enough to go on a mission, but Alec couldn’t tamp down the feeling that something was wrong. 

Jace, Izzy, Alec, and Clary all gathered in the ops center around midnight, discussing their plans for the mission. 

“I'm the lead on this one,” Alec announced. His mother had a habit of putting Jace in charge, even when Alec was clearly the better choice, but his parabatai usually deferred to Alec for big decisions, anyway. This time, however, Alec wasn’t taking any chances. 

“Our mission is to find and question the leader of each Downworld segment to see what information they might have on Valentine,” Alec recited. “Clary, have you spoken with Luke?”

“Yeah,” Clary responded, nodding. Her stepfather Luke was the head of the New York werewolf clan, and one of the biggest allies to the Shadowhunters due to his marriage to Clary’s mother. 

“And he hasn’t heard anything?”

“He’s heard whispers,” Clary replied, fidgeting with a strand of her reddish-brown hair. In the darkness of the ops center, illuminated only by the artificial lighting of computer screens, her bright green eyes seemed almost luminescent. “Rumours from his wolves and other packs that Valentine was back. He didn’t say anything because he was sure it was all just speculation.”

Alec nodded tightly. “Okay. Please relay to him that the New York Institute is grateful for his help.”

Clary nodded. “Will do.”

“That’s one name to check off the list,” Jace commented. “Who else do we have to talk to?”

“The Seelie Queen is sending a representative from her Court to speak with us,” Alec informed him. “We will also be speaking to a representative from the New York vampire clan.”

“Raphael couldn’t be bothered to show up and face us himself?” Izzy scoffed. “Typical.” Alec didn’t say anything to that. Isabelle and Raphael’s messy breakup had left her at odds with the vampire, and usually Alec would try not to put Izzy on missions where Raphael was involved, but sometimes it couldn’t be avoided.

“The High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane, has agreed to speak with us himself,” Alec continued. “We are meeting him in Pandemonium tonight after we meet with the Seelie and vampire representatives.”

“Will they be at Pandemonium, too?” Clary asked.

“Yes,” Alec informed her.

He looked at his watch and nodded to his team. “It’s almost time to go. Gear up and choose your weapons. Don’t pick anything too flashy or obvious. We’re trying to be inconspicuous. The club will be full of Downworlders, and a lot of them have plenty of reasons to hate the Clave.”

The others nodded in acquiescence and turned to the weapons racks behind them. Alec picked up his bow and runed a few of his arrows over again. He tucked a seraph dagger and a small throwing star into his belt and expertly used his shirt to cover the weapons. 

Behind him, Isabelle coiled her whip around her wrist and hid a sword in the short dress she wore. It was ruby red and tight enough to show off every curve she had. He noticed Clary eyeing her and his jaw tightened, his hands curling into protective fists. Jace saw the movement and placed a steadying hand on Alec’s arm. 

Right. Clary was like a sister to them. By the Angel, he really needed to get ahold of himself.

Clary chose a pair of kindjals and a morning star, and Jace picked out two different seraph blades and a scimitar. 

“Glamours,” Alec ordered, and everyone lifted their stele to their skin to activate one. The glamours would hide their runes and their weapons for a few hours, at least. There was no guarantee how long they would last and overusing glamour runes was dangerous, which was why Alec insisted that they practice discretion with their weapons choice. 

Jace pulled Alec off to the side, leaving Clary and Isabelle to talk by themselves. Alec raised his eyebrow and gave his parabatai a questioning look. 

“Are you good to go on this mission, man?” Jace asked. He did his best to keep his tone soft and concerned, but some of the boy’s usual abrasiveness bled into it. “I saw the way you were looking at Clary when she stared at Izzy. You know she’s a lesbian, and it’s _Izzy_. You can’t blame her for looking.”

“Well, she didn’t have to do it in front of me,” Alec groused, avoiding Jace’s eyes. 

“Clary is like a sister to us,” Jace said firmly. “And you just gave her a look that would make a lesser Shadowhunter turn tail and run.”

Alec stayed silent. He couldn’t deny the truth of Jace’s statement, but he certainly wasn’t going to come right out and agree with him. 

“Point is, if you need to go under right now, you can’t lead this mission,” Jace said. “You know that. If you fight against your needs, your emotions get fucked up and worse and you take stupid risks and put everyone, not just yourself, in danger, Alec.” 

“I’m fine,” Alec snapped. “I can take care of myself and lead this team, Jace.”

“I wasn’t finished,” Jace responded simply. He reached out to touch Alec’s arm, and Alec tried to pull away, but Jace tightened his grip and wouldn’t let him. “You can deny it all you want, but I saw you out there, Alec. I saw that look on your face when you let those demons tear into you.”

Alec opened his mouth to protest, but Jace cut him off with a look. 

“No, don’t lie to me. I know you. You were ready to give up. And that is _not_ something I can deal with, do you understand me? I would not survive losing you, Alec, okay? You can’t do that to me. And you _know_ that refusing yourself what you _need_ brings your emotions out front and center in your mind. I-If you were already feeling that way - ” He broke off, blinking furiously. 

Alec was silent for a few seconds, biting his lip anxiously. He didn’t know what to say to that.

“I already lost my childhood,” Jace said, his voice strangled and thick with emotion. “I can’t lose my brother, too.” With that, he pulled Alec into one of the tightest hugs he could ever remember receiving. 

Alec exhaled shakily and clung to his parabatai, unwilling to admit to the truth in Jace’s words. He _had_ been ready to give up, if only for a moment. He reached up and carded his fingers through Jace’s golden blonde hair, a motion that he knew soothed his parabatai from years of comforting him through nightmares. 

Jace sighed and pulled away from Alec, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and mustering a weak smile for his benefit. Alec returned the smile with one of his own and turned to walk away, but Jace grabbed his sleeve before he could. 

“We don’t have to leave right now,” he began cautiously. “We could wait an hour or two.”

Alec raised an eyebrow, confused. “Why would we do that?”

Jace shuffled his feet, avoiding Alec’s eyes. “So Lydia could put you under for a little bit.”

Alec glared at his parabatai and pulled his arm out of his grasp. “No.”

“Alec, come on,” Jace pleaded with him. “You need it. I can tell. Let her put you under, just for a little bit, and then we can go on the mission. You’ll have a clearer mind and things will go a lot smoother, Alec. Come on, _please_.”

“Jace, I said no,” Alec replied, a harsh bite to his words. He turned and stalked away from Jace, leaving his parabatai standing in the corner of the room wondering if Alec would ever find a way to be happy with who he was and the part of himself that, try as he might, he couldn’t ignore.

Alec turned to Isabelle and Clary, ignoring Jace’s eyes boring holes into his back.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Ready,” they chorused back. 

He raised an eyebrow at Jace, shooting the blonde a look that clearly read _You’ve got my back, don’t you, parabatai?_ Jace muttered something under his breath but stepped forward and nodded, rolling his shoulders and shoving the worry for Alec to the back of his mind for the time being. 

“Let’s go.”

With that, Jace, Izzy, Alec, and Clary set off through the night for Pandemonium.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of Pandemonium, part 1. Also known as the chapter where Magnus and Alec finally meet!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I hope you like this chapter! Magnus and Alec are finally meeting. Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Pandemonium was a cacophony of flashing lights, loud music, and obnoxious laughter. His siblings thrived in it, flirting and charming their way through the Downworld crowd without much resistance. Even Clary was getting into the swing of it, trailing after Izzy and teasing a few fae with words and body alike. 

Alec hated it. It gave him a headache. 

The tetrad made their way towards the VIP section of Pandemonium slowly and steadily, not wanting to arouse suspicion among the other occupants of the club by looking too much like they were on a mission. 

Alec kept his expression impassive and blank, hoping that no one would approach him before they reached their destination. His companions may be able to flirt their way out of any situation, but Alec could barely talk to someone he didn’t know in a setting like this without stuttering over his words and making a fool of himself. 

Luckily for Alec, the four of them reached the back of the club in record time, despite their tedious efforts at being discreet. 

“He’s over there,” Alec said, gesturing to where a lone vampire with a ‘Representative of Raphael Santiago’ badge pinned to his suit sat in a booth, nursing a pint of O-neg and bouncing his leg restlessly. 

“Simon!” Clary exclaimed, and she rushed over to the vampire, embracing him suddenly. Alec raised an eyebrow and Jace & Izzy looked on in bewilderment at the strange scene.

“Oh, right,” Clary said, as if just remembering they were there. “Guys, this is my best friend, Simon. Simon, this is Jace, Isabelle, and Alec. My friends.”

Alec smiled to himself at Clary’s words; only a few months ago, she wouldn’t have dared to call him that. They really had come a long way. 

“Nice to meet you, Simon,” Jace said, offering his hand to the dark-haired vampire. Alec did a double take as he watched his brother shake Simon’s hand. Jace was _never_ polite to new people. He was cocky and arrogant and an asshole. Alec had learned to just accept it as another less-than-desirable part of who he was. 

Seeing Jace treat the vampire with something almost akin to _kindness_ bewildered Alec, but he didn’t have much time to ponder on it. Izzy grabbed his arm and dragged him forward to shake the vampire (Simon’s) hand. Reluctantly, Alec followed her example and gripped Simon’s hand firmly, disappointed when the vampire didn’t flinch. 

“So Raphael sent you to speak on behalf of the vampires?” Alec asked, sliding into the seat opposite Simon and folding his hands together on top of the table. He saw Izzy and Jace exchange a meaningful glance and an eye roll when they thought he wasn't looking, and he grumbled to himself. He knew he looked the part of a perfect Clave employee. 

Truthfully, in all ways except his siblings’ persistent recklessness, he _was._

“Yes,” Simon said, drawing himself up importantly. Alec had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “Raphael would like to assure you that anything you have to say to him can be relayed to me first.”

“Very well,” Alec responded. “We have found evidence that may point to Valentine’s return.” Simon’s eyes widened and he let out a small squeak of surprise and fear. Alec continued on, ignoring the vampire. “We were hoping to request the assistance of the vampires in finding out if this is the case. We don’t ask much - just that you share any information you may come across or already have about Valentine and the potential for another Uprising.”

Simon nodded. “I don’t see how that would be a problem. We have just as much reason to want Valentine dead as the next person.” He grinned, and a dimple appeared on his cheek. “Or, the next undead creature of the night.” 

Alec nodded tightly, a grave look on his face. He ignored the second half of the vampire’s response and said, “Have you or any of the vampires you know heard anything about Valentine recently?”

Simon shook his head, frowning a little. “No, I don’t think so. Unless someone heard something and chose to keep it to themselves, the clan didn’t know anything was going on.”

“Okay.” Alec nodded and extended his hand to Simon once more. “Thank you for your help. The Shadowhunters are indebted to you.” 

“Anything to help Clary,” Simon said, sending her a warm smile over his shoulder. “She’s like a sister to me.”

Alec’s eyes softened with fondness as he gazed at the redhead. “Yeah, us too.”

“I should get going,” Simon announced. “Raphael wants me to report back to him ASAP.” He stood up from the booth and paused to give Clary a brief but tight hug. “See you later, Fray.”

“Wait, I - uh, d-do you think you’ll be coming around the Institute sometimes?” Jace grabbed Simon’s wrist to stop him from leaving. Alec blinked and stared at his brother. He didn’t think he’d _ever_ heard Jace stutter before. 

“Well, now that I know you’re there, you can bet on it, handsome.” Simon sent Jace a wink and disappeared into the night. 

Isabelle dissolved into giggles, and Clary looked like she was trying her hardest not to burst out laughing. Alec had to bite his lip in order to stave off a grin. Jace grumbled to himself, and Alec saw a blush colour his parabatai’s cheeks for the first time in their lives. 

“Don’t we have a Seelie representative to talk to?” Jace whined, clearly trying to get the spotlight off of him. 

“We do,” Alec agreed. He couldn’t fight the grin any longer, and Jace made a rude gesture at him as they began to walk towards the area of Pandemonium where the Seelie said he’d be. Alec clapped his parabatai on the back and leaned close to say, “Looks like I’m not the only one who’s a bit of a gay disaster,” to him quietly. 

“Shut up,” Jace groaned. “I’m not even gay, and besides, you’re worse.”

Alec shrugged, not even bothering with a denial or a jab at his brother. He wasn’t wrong about that. 

The tetrad veered to the right and made their way over to a table where a group of Seelies were drinking and conversing amongst themselves. Alec caught sight of ebony hair with a royal blue streak and knew he’d found Meliorn, the Queen’s ambassador. 

“You’re late, Shadowhunter,” Meliorn said without looking up from his drink. 

Alec bowed and said, “We apologise. We’ve just come from a meeting with a vampire representative.”

“Very well,” Meliorn said. He nodded to the other Seelies and they all slipped out of their seats and disappeared into the club. Only one other faerie remained; a girl with light brown hair and a cunning smile that put Alec on edge. “This is Kaelie, my companion and protector. Anything you have to say to me can be said to her, as well.”

Alec nodded, though every piece of his training wanted to insist that the fae girl leave. However, he had dealt with Seelies before, and he knew it wasn’t a battle worth fighting. 

“We have encountered evidence that may point to Valentine’s return,” Alec told Meliorn and Kaelie. “The Clave would like to officially request the help of the Seelies in confirming this.”

“And what evidence might that be?” Kaelie spoke up. There was a snide cut to her words, and Alec knew he had to tread carefully. 

“On a mission, we received intel from a reliable source that hinted at Valentine’s return,” Alec replied. Before the Seelie girl could cut in, he continued, “And the Clave is aware as much as the Downworld that his return could very well lead to another Uprising. That’s the last thing we want.”

“What do you propose that we do?” Meliorn asked, folding his hands together carefully around the rim of his glass, filled to the brim with a Seelie concoction that Alec couldn’t identify. 

“The Clave would like to ask you to be alert and report anything you may hear about Valentine back to us,” Alec responded, keeping his voice clear and firm. “In the spirit of ensuring that the threat he poses is neutralized.”

Meliorn beckoned to Kaelie, and they conferred in whispers for a few minutes before turning back to Alec. “Our Queen will send scouts to investigate Valentine,” Meliorn informed him. “And we will report any developments back to your Institute, in return for complete transparency.”

“Of course,” Alec said easily. A small twinge of guilt bloomed in his heart when he realised that he had no idea if he would be able to keep that promise. The Clave decided who they would tell what and when they would tell them, much to Alec’s secret and his siblings’ not-so-secret chagrin. 

“If you’ll excuse us, we have a meeting with the High Warlock to attend, as well,” Alec said, bowing to the Seelies once more and making his exit with Jace, Izzy, and Clary. 

“Mr. Diplomat,” Jace teased as they made their way towards the ‘throne’, or the high-backed, gold-plated chair that Magnus Bane sat in when he wanted to observe his club in action. 

“Stop that,” Alec groused. “Or I’ll get Simon in here and make him stop you.”

Jace sputtered and turned dark red. Isabelle and Clary couldn’t contain their laughter at his comment and Alec smirked, pleased with himself. He didn’t often tell jokes that others found funny. 

The four of them weaved their way through Downworlders and mundanes alike, slinking between bodies and finding pathways amongst the clubbers with practiced ease. High heels prodded and elbows shoved others aside. Alec led the way, Jace close behind him, followed by Isabelle and then Clary. They proceeded through Pandemonium using their bodies as a way to navigate the club. Alec felt himself settle. He was in his element here. He may hate the crowds and the lights and the loud music, but this, weaponizing his body to reach his goal? He was all too familiar with that. 

That’s why it was so surprising when Alec bumped into a man who was reclining against a wall in the corner. He stopped and stared for a minute, taking in the man’s silvery-blonde hair and the dark black cloak draped over his shoulders. He was confused. He _shouldn’t_ have bumped into the man. Perhaps it was vain to say so, but he was just that good. 

“Hello there,” the man drawled, and his voice was like sugared honey. It was unlike anything Alec had ever heard before. It made him want to run away and chase after it at the same time. 

“Uh, hi,” Alec answered. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and tried to inch away, but the stranger reached out and gripped his wrist tightly to prevent him from leaving. 

“I’m Sebastian,” he introduced himself. “And what’s your name?”

“Alec.”

“Well, Alec, it was a pleasure to meet you,” Sebastian drawled. He released Alec’s wrist, though not before leaning forward and placing a kiss near Alec’s hairline. It was so soft that he barely even felt it, but for some reason it made Alec feel as though he couldn’t breathe. “I’m sure we’ll be meeting again soon enough.”

With that, Sebastian pulled the hood of his cloak over his head and disappeared into the crowd. Alec, bewildered by the strange experience, fought his way through the throngs of people to try and get to Sebastian. 

Alec tailed him through the club, watching as he weaved his way through booths and passed Seelies by without a second glance. Clearly, he was used to this scene. They walked by a table that housed a few werewolves having a drink in celebration of something, and the neon lights reflected on their glasses, lighting Sebastian’s wrist up in purples, reds, and blues. Alec could barely contain the gasp that threatened to escape when he saw the symbol on Sebastian’s wrist.

He was a caregiver. 

He managed to follow the other man a few paces onto the dance floor, but once there, he lost sight of him in the midst of all the bodies dancing and gyrating to the music. Alec cursed under his breath and turned his attention back to his siblings and the mission at hand. 

He could think about Sebastian and process the shock of meeting someone other than Lydia that was a caregiver later. Right now, he had orders to follow.

Magnus Bane was seated at the very back of the VIP section, perched on a chair that was higher than most of the Downworlders surrounding him were tall. It was decorated with gold in a lattice pattern and interspersed with splashes of red and dark blue. Magnus was holding a golden, heavy-looking wine glass and surveying the Shadowhunters with a critical eye.

Alec’s breath caught in his throat and the words he’d prepared for his conversation with the High Warlock died in his throat. Magnus’s hair was styled into ebony spikes and dusted with silver glitter. His eyes were rimmed with kohl and when Alec caught sight of gleaming, golden cat’s eyes, he nearly tripped over his own feet. 

It took Jace elbowing him in the side for him to snap out of his daze and face Magnus. He cleared his throat and started, “I am Alec Lightwood from the New York - ”

“I know who you are, Shadowhunter,” Magnus cut him off. He handed his drink to one of the Downworlders standing near him and rose gracefully from the throne-chair. He flicked an eyebrow upward at Alec and it made Alec’s heart seize. 

“You’re quite impressive for a Shadowhunter,” Magnus said offhandedly, as if he was merely commenting on the weather. His eyes roamed over Alec’s tactical jacket, calloused palms, the tight black shirt he’d chosen for the mission, and finally, his brace. 

Alec’s eyes widened and he tried to hide his wrist behind his back, but it was too late. 

Magnus grabbed his wrist and slid the brace back, exposing the cursive _l_ that made Alec cringe with disgust. Magnus’s eyes widened and he replaced the brace quickly, his mouth tightening into a straight line. 

“Forgive me,” he managed, still looking at Alec as if he’d seen a ghost. “I’m over 800 years old and still occasionally forget my manners.”

Alec swallowed hard and gave him a short nod. He wasn’t willing to discuss it any further. At least no one else in the club had seen it. 

Jace, clearly sensing his parabatai’s distress, stepped forward and began to talk to Magnus for Alec. “We have some news of Valentine that might be of use to you and your people,” Jace said. 

“What is this news?” Magnus’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked like he wished he was sitting down still. 

“We have word that Valentine may still be alive,” Jace said, and Alec had to admire the way he kept his voice steady. He could feel the other boy’s confusion, fear, and conflict through their bond. 

“Lilith!” Magnus exclaimed, and then he narrowed his eyes at the Shadowhunter. “Why have you told me this? What do you want from us?”

“We want your help,” Jace pushed on, tactless as ever. “In proving these rumours true or false. All we ask is that your people keep their eyes open and report any suspicious encounters or information back to the Clave.”

Magnus laughed, and it was a harsh, bitter sound that made Alec want to apologise to the warlock; for what, he didn’t know. “You can’t fool me with that nonsense, Shadowhunter.” He turned away from the tetrad and took his place on the high-backed chair once again. “The Clave asks for one thing, and then another, and then another, and before long, my people are singing like canaries for a corrupt organization that never intended to protect them in the first place.”

Alec’s heart clenched painfully at the warlock’s words, and he couldn’t resist softly asking, “Is that what happened last time?”

Magnus looked over at him, as if he was surprised that Alec had spoken. “Yes,” he replied tightly. “That’s exactly what happened last time.”

“Listen, between you and me, I don’t blame you one bit,” Jace was saying to Magnus. “I understand how prejudiced and hateful the Clave is. But we can’t be divided in this war. Valentine poses a threat to all of us, not just Downworlders.”

“I don’t believe you,” Magnus stated plainly. “All Shadowhunters are the same. You all think yourself better than us because you’re blessed with the gifts of an angel. Newsflash, blondie: Seelies have angel blood, too.”

“I know that,” Jace said, and Alec could tell that he was becoming exasperated. 

“Not all Shadowhunters are the same,” Alec spoke up. “That’s an unfair statement to make, just as it would be unfair for me to call all Downworlders monsters.” He focused his gaze on his feet as he spoke, hoping that Magnus wouldn’t notice the slight tremble in his voice. 

When Magnus didn’t speak for a few minutes, Alec’s curiosity got the better of him and he looked up, only to find the warlock staring at him with awe-filled eyes. 

“What?” Alec asked defensively. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Magnus cleared his throat, and Alec realised that part of the shine to his eyes earlier had been a thin sheen of tears. “It’s just rare to find a Shadowhunter with such an open heart.”

Alec swallowed hard, a deep blush working its way up his neck. “I-I just, I mean, I - ”

Alec was saved from trying to come up with a reply to Magnus’s statement by a large _BANG!_ that could be heard over the blaring music. He shared alarmed looks with Jace, Izzy, and Clary, and the four of them began to run towards the source of the noise. 

Shoving aside club patrons and ignoring the indignant shouts of the Downworlders, the tetrad made their way to the epicenter of Pandemonium. Jace activated a Strength rune and pulled himself onto the rafters to survey the club from above. Isabelle unfurled the whip from around her wrist and began to patrol the corners. Alec gave Clary a signal, and she made her way towards the bar and DJ station, trying to find the noise’s origin. Alec stayed where he was, watching the clubgoers. Someone else must have noticed the noise. 

A sharp tug on Alec’s jacket sleeve caused him to whirl around, bow drawn, but what he saw before him made him lower it in an instant. A little warlock child, a boy no older than ten, stood in front of Alec with wide, fearful eyes and a cut on his head that was bleeding heavily. 

Alec cast a quick glance around them, checking for threats, but he could see nothing. He bent down to the child’s level. “Hey there. My name is Alec. What’s your name?”

The warlock didn’t look like he was going to answer for a minute, but then he mumbled, “Lavon.” 

“It’s nice to meet you, Lavon,” Alec said softly. “Do you think we could go somewhere else for a minute? Just to make sure you’re safe?”

Lavon hesitated, sniffling. Alec wiped away the tear that slid down his cheek without thinking, and it made the young warlock smile at him. “Yeah,” he mumbled. Alec slid his arms around the boy’s waist and picked him up. Lavon clung to him, burying his face in Alec’s neck. “T-Thank you,” he cried. “There’s b-bad men here. T-They want to k-kill us!”

Alec’s heart pounded with fear, and he swallowed hard. “Lavon, can I ask you something about those men?” He felt the warlock nod against his neck, and Alec said, “Did any of these men have Circles on their necks? would have been big and thick, like a scar.”

“Yeah,” Lavon replied. “T-They all did.”

Alec closed his eyes and prayed to Raziel to help him help the Downworlders at Pandemonium. The Circle was here. And Alec had an awful feeling that they were just getting started.


End file.
